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Yuck yuck yuck. I have a large knot
in my stomach. Today's adventure around the suburbs to
find our ideal office space (with close to no money to spend)
was horrendous. Thankfully, Lil'Bro came with us and
brought along his air conditioned car, as it reached a disgustingly
muggy 37c, but the arctic blast inside the car was minor consolation
as we went round and round in circles stopping at any exciting
looking for lease sign only to be totally demoralised when
discovering the price. Lil' Bro was having massive anxiety
attacks all morning due to romantic entanglements...
After 5 hours of office hunting we
finally found an excellent place; cheap, very funky, great
view of the city sky line, right in the heart of the "New
Media" hip'n'happening suburb, polished wooden floor
boards, three levels, car space, etc. It really was amazingly
perfect. But for some reason I just couldn't get excited.
The agent was asking for a two to three year lease and that's
a long time for a company that can't see past the next
6 months. I suddenly got very, very depressed. Finding a funky
new office is supposed to be totally inspiring but all I could
think of was "oh god - more bloody boring work going on and
on, and still we're not making enough money to survive
on".
I know that when you start up a new
business it isn't supposed to be easy, 14 hour days for
pittance pay and all that - but it isn't the work load
that bothers me, it's the lack of vision and passion
I have for our company. It just seems like we all have a different
idea of what the company should be doing and how. I'm
tired of caring so much, and feeling this heavy burden of
responsibility. All I want to do is draw pictures and write
my diary. Wouldn't it be great if someone would pay me
to do that? Huh? Anyone? Hey - doesn't Carrie
basically do that in "Sex in the City"? I could do that…
except it would have to have a different kind of focus - maybe
something like "Not much sex in the tiny dark apartment".
(it's a common known fact that "new media" professionals
don't get much sex… not enough time, obviously).
Jeeesh - I really am too tired to
get all of this down tonight. I think I will leave the explaining
of the reason for the huge knot in my stomach for tomorrow
when I am a little calmer, and a little more lucid.
Curiously, my horoscope for today
(thanks to www.excite.com.au - normally I would highly recommend
their horoscope section):
You wake up with a bright outlook.
No matter the weather, your joy springs from an inner source.
Whatever you were close to giving up on requires your renewed
commitment today. Gung-ho resolutions were made for a reason.
Whatever brought you to the brink of the original pledge should
be revisited. Don't give up on yourself now. New inspiration
leads you to some wonderful results. Tongues are wagging so
listen with particular prudence. Be eager to make connections.
You never know who will guide your destiny.
Please explain?
Xx
PS. please forgive spelling mistakes,
typos etc. I am so so tired.
PPS. No illustration today. I'm
at home and don't have a copy of photoshop and illustrator
or even a scanner on this machine.
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