How did I manage to let go just a little?

I whizzed over to Box Hill for an appointment at my obstetrician’s office this morning – the streets are still empty and parking spots (no parallel parking required!) were plentiful. My doctor is away on holidays, as all obstetricians must be at this time of year (sure glad I am not due in Summer! Who knows who might end up delivering my baby), so I saw his Midwife who prodded my stomach and said “ooh, here’s a little head”. She showed me where it was and through my squashy skin I could feel a little round bump and I was quite overcome. I had completely lost track of what week I am up to in my pregnancy and had to ask. 17 and a half weeks. Not that far away from half way…
This is such a strange pregnancy compared to last time when I worried about every little feeling, every change, every imagined scenario. I counted down the time to b-day and read up each week what was going on both with me and with the baby. This time I am only reminded that I am even actually pregnant when I go to make a ham sandwich (ham = big no no due to colonies of festering bacteria apparently just waiting to get me) or try to squeeze into my favourite jeans (jeans = big no no due to lack of elastic waist band) or when I have to drag myself out of bed to pee at 4am.

The time is going incredibly fast as days are spent juggling and jostling life, food, work, child, etc. Some evenings I wonder if I am not “bonding” with my child as much as I did with Amelia when I had copious amounts of time to sit around soaking in a bath while humming tunes to the then foetus. I then comfort myself by thinking that perhaps this all has nothing to do with bonding at all (surely that happens regardless of how much you stroke your belly), and in fact this laissez-faire attitude will carry through in some form once child number 2 is born and thus child number 2 will be a well loved but relaxed, independent little soul who doesn’t freak out in a strong wind, or cling to my leg when a dog is seen on the horizon. Perhaps.

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39 Responses

  1. Wow, 17 weeks already?! I am so excited to find out if you are having a boy or girl. Boy, I think. I think its great that you can relax and just breeze through this pregnancy, and hopefully the delivery as well!

  2. I’m sure your new little one will know just as well as Amelia that they are loved and cared for. It seems that most parents tend to worry and fuss more about the first child and then are more laid back with the second and any others that come along- it seems to reflect in the children’s personality. It can be a good thing.

  3. says:

    And I should have mentioned that I am in awe of you getting a car park at Box Hill Hospital ……

  4. says:

    As all the other wise mums said, it’s normal with number 2. My number 2 child (now 13) is the chilled and loving one, the number 1 (now 14) is the not so chilled one.
    ps love lurking on your blog – very inspiring

  5. When I was pregnant with my 2nd, I felt really bad, because I knew there was no way I was going to love her as much as #1. I knew I’d love her, but she would just never come first in my heart, even for a second. Needless to say, I didn’t feel very bonded. Until, of course, the second that they yanked her out of my tummy and I heard her cry. HA! I love that little stinker like crazy, and could never pick a favorite between my two girls.

  6. EXACTLY what happened to me with no. 1 vs no. 2 child. Don’t feel bad about it. My no. 2 is gorgeous, loved and relaxed! 🙂

  7. says:

    I was just wondering what my excuse for peeing at 4 in the morning is?*L*

  8. I was thinking the same thing as Christina. Or why like this morning at 4 I awoke thinking about the new Flash 8 Pro upgrade and if I should get it. Sad, sad, sad.

  9. hmmm… baby #2 could be Comfortable and Relaxed. Just like Johnny Howard wants! maybe he will double your baby bonus!
    (having to pee at 4am almost makes you wish for the olden days of chamberpots and maids to empty them… almost)

    hope you have a happy new year claire! sounds like it is going to be full of good things 🙂

  10. I was the same with my 2nd pregnancy. I think it’s just that life is so busy with a small child that you don’t have the time you did when pregnant with no 1 to think about all that stuff.

  11. If you could have No 2 first life would be so much easier as we would know what to do and what not to do

  12. I’m a mom of 3 going on 4 now, and with each pregancy and each birth I’ve been able to sit back a little more and just enjoy the ride and let my pregancy be PART of my life instead of TAKE OVER my life. It’s a beautiful miracle we get to be part of, no?

  13. this was my experience also with pregnancy #2-it went super fast because i had other things to occupy my mind (mostly, a toddler) rather than sit around paying attention to every single sensation that my body sent me. AND…the second child is indeed much more mellow, relaxed, and happy-go-lucky than the first. #2 is only 1 1/2, so it remains to be seen igf she’ll be more independent.
    congratulations on your pregnancy and have fun with two! it’s a marathon sometimes!

  14. I could have written this post about 4 years ago about my daughter. And let me tell you, child #2 is all grown up before you know it too. It just goes by so much faster. I can’t believe I am going to have a 7 year old in 2 days!!! Gosh… BTW – I love your blog and all of your crafties so much. You are amazingly talented!

  15. Having just finished my first year with child #3, I can say that birth order does influence personality in the way you described. With three kids under 5, my last one doesn’t have a choice- she HAS to be laid back because I don’t have the ability to coddle or fuss over little bitty things. I’ve turned into a “roll with the punches” mom and that is a welcome change, one I thank God for, actually. This year has been one of my most creative to date!
    Congratulations on your pregnancy.

  16. I think it’s completely normal. With your first it’s all new. The second or third, etc. You realize they won’t fall a part if you don’t do it just a certain way. As far as No. 2 being relaxed. I hope your little one is, because my second one was, love her heart,an emotional meltdown. Cried all the time, but now she is actually funny, witty, & great company at the ripe age of 7.

  17. I don’t know if it works out that way for all second pregnancies, but it was true for mine. Logan (no. 1) is precautious, organized, very sweet. Caleb (no. 2) is very laid back, sort of willy-nilly and very sweet as well.

  18. Keep your fingers crossed 😉

  19. Yes, this happened to me with my second pregnancy as well. I felt there couldn’t possibly be a thing I hadn’t imagined, felt, dreamed, or otherwise about Emma (my first) by the time she was born. My pregnancy with Ian was so different. Barely had time to think about it, so busy with my little girl. But, he found his way easy enough (into our hearts and family) and is a very easy little kid, so I think your observations may be correct.

  20. I am so excited for you! And so inspired by your optimism! It sounds like your life is clicking into place lately- don’t you love when that happens? Enjoy it, almost as soon as it clicks in it manages to bounce back out, doesn’t it! Good luck with your projects, they all sound beautiful.

  21. It’s been so long since I’ve posted… but since I must have missed the post that made the new public, I wanted to take a moment to send my heartfelt congratulations… what a lucky, lucky child.

  22. says:

    Just wait until you see No 2 bonding with No 1 — fantastic.

  23. says:


  24. Same thing happened to me with my daughter (our second child). She is soooo independent compared to our son. I actually wish I could’ve been as relaxed with my son as I was with my daughter. The second child definitely benefits from having an “experienced parent”!

  25. Have you got a belly belt? They’re fabulous! I had one when I was pregnant with Grumbles, and I lived in one pair of jeans and lots and lots of long singlet tops!

  26. Twenty weeks tomorrow for me, woohoo! Wow, sounds like the second pregnancy is much nicer, in that you don’t worry as much. I look forward to that. I am having to take at least two medicines with this one, and I’ve cried a few tears over worrying if I’m hurting him.

  27. says:

    If bonding is all its cracked up to be, how do you account for the love of adopted children. They will love you and you will love them – it has nothing to do with “bonding” 🙂

  28. says:

    When you see them together a whole other magic moment unfolds before your eyes, they are bonded, its a very deep connection that is shared among families. I look forward to all the exciting posts in the future.

  29. You couldn’t have summed it up better. I am pregnant with #2 (is it 24 weeks or 25 now?) and I feel the same way. I also share your hopes for a nice relaxed and easy gonig baby. Good luck to you!

  30. Gosh, this is a beautiful little post. Really lovely images.

  31. says:

    I am sure that you have just described my two children perfectly, and my pregnancies. No.1 – an intense little soul, gentle, gorgeous. No.2 – gorgeous, yet robust and very very easy going. Hmm, must be how the universe works. Beth, no.1, starts school this year and I just know for all that she has come along, my heart is just going to bleed for her. God help me when someone steals her tuck shop money. I will be a mess.

  32. Claire,
    I had a look at the River Cottage Family Cookbook after you recommended it and bought it because I could see Phoebe would love it (and it was half-price – so irritating if you’d bought it before Xmas at full price). She’s been making things from it since she got it, and yesterday I made blue marshmallows with four children who were amazed by the whole process.

    Thanks for the great recommendation. It won’t be long before we are attempting the Turkish Delight!

  33. Hi! I just have to say that your blog is awesome, aswell as your flickr picture page. There, said it. 😀

  34. says:

    hear, hear. Busy with number 1 and all their questions and busy days, and suddenly, it is time for #2 to arrive. And then, they’re here, and you wonder if they’re learning anything, since you don’t sit and read them six books every night like the first one. But guess what?! They do wonderfully well. And we all love each other just as fiercely as ever. Last, but not least, #1 and #2 now love one another – and that is something that will warm your heart in a whole new way. Best wishes.

  35. I hear ya… wondering about the bonding thing with #2 compared to #1. Try #5. It’ll all happen very naturally and with less effort than you anticipate. Just let things happen. 🙂

  36. I have been going through the same thing myself. #2 is due in March & Jacob is 2 1/2. (I also can’t imagine how I will balance life, work, and loving two children.) (I freelance as an illustrator too.) Now that I’m in the 3rd trimester, though, I’ve slowed down a little & have naturally pulled a little bit more inward, which has made me feel more of a bond (rather than how much earlier I felt bonded to Jacob). If the ultrasounds are any indication, #2 seems to be mellow already! Anyhow…it is nice to read the posts that other people went through this & that the second child doesn’t feel loved less, even despite less time rubbing & pampering him/her. Take care!

  37. Oh wow congrats to you and your family Claire!

  38. I was a nervous wreck with pregnancy #1. The pregnancy consumed my life and daily thoughts!2nd and 3rd pregnancies seemed to fly by, and I have to admit that I did feel a bit guilty that I wasn’t as excited to follow along in the baby books to see the baby’s progress. . .

    . . . now the guilt comes from not keeping up with their baby books. Baby #3 doesn’t have her baby book. . . yet!

    No worries, Claire! You’re not alone in these feelings!

  39. me too! I’m getting ceasarean next week and feel I only just got used to being pregnant. I get out of bed and look in the mirror and go: oooh, I look pregnant. Trust me, I’m full on big pregnant. Or sit down after a meal and think: wow feel like I’m pregnant already. Weird eh? at 36 weeks. Forget the weeks, didnt write enough in my diary, didnt sing songs to the baby she’ll recognize after birth. I hear it’s just the same when she’s born.