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Monday 17 June 2002
We found a little place to
rent on Saturday. One that didn't have dark brown tiles in
the kitchen and without a three car garage monstrosity in
the backyard. It had an open fire place, ducted heating, three
bedrooms, a neat little garden and best of all, light spilling
in through generous windows. We came home and filled out the
application form in our neatest, most bestest handwriting
and faxed it into the real estate agent for their consideration.
I rang them this morning to make sure that they had received
it and spoke to a very nice property manager who said she
would try to get back to us today regarding their decision.
It's 5.07pm. I am guessing they are not going to get back
to us today.
I hate this bit. The waiting
to hear if we passed the tenant's audition bit. Do our references
still say nice things about us? Will we look more respectable
than that other couple who drove a much nicer car than us?
I try to trick fate by pretending
I don't care, by going about life as usual and not giving
it another thought - but this is increasingly difficult to
do, and I can't help letting that care sneak back through.
So I try to trick fate by saying "Of course I am not
expecting to get this house, why do we deserve this house?
I will continue searching for more houses on realestate.com.au
because I am that sure we won't get the house." Perhaps
fate will take pity on my pathetic gloominess and take pleasure
in surprising me despite my lowest expectations. But then
I wonder if I should instead embrace fate and just feel
absolutely and completely that we are going to get this
house and therefore fate will have no other choice but to
let it come to us because I don't expect anything less. Does
hoping so hard ruin my chances?
Each time I do this I forget
that there have been other houses that have moved me to such
drastic highs and lows before and I also forget that there
will be others in the future.
Somehow through all this fog
of dread and hope and out of proportion frenzy I can faintly
see that perhaps nothing I do or think will matter to the
outcome of this situation.
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