I have exciting news today. Come June 8th (or there abouts), there will be a tiny little, fourth family member in our home. I am 13 weeks pregnant and can hardly believe it.
Perhaps if you have been keeping up with my blog for a while you may remember that just over a year ago the mere suggestion of having another child seemed quite off-putting. It’s no secret that I found the adjustment to being a mother incredibly difficult and it has taken me a long time to sort through my feelings and fears about going back to that new baby place all over again. Actually don’t let me think about it too much!. Over the last couple of months I have occasionally found myself after an exhausting day wondering what on earth it is we are doing, but mostly time is just spinning so fast that there isn’t enough time to (popped-out) navel gaze. I imagine that life with a new born might be a little the same this time around.
So much has changed since we moved out of Mum and Dad’s house and into our own place. Personally, I feel stronger and more capable and happier. I feel like we are a real family again.
But it is time which has probably influenced the biggest shift in my thinking. Now from experience I really do know that the old saying “This too shall pass” is almost always true, and not just something well-meaning people tell you in moments of crisis. Breast feeding that doesn’t seem to quite work out, minor illnesses, sleepless nights, tantrums (both child and adult) and exasperating boredom… it all passes and good things follow. I feel ready to face those first few years and not be pulled down by them again (ah! we shall see!).
And I was worried about “my work” and how I will have to put it off again but I have got to the point where I think well, that’s ok. Amelia is about to start kindergarten in 2006 and soon she will be at school full time and it has gone so very fast. One of my biggest heroes is Rosalie Gascoigne and I will often think about her creating her amazing work later in life after she raised a family almost single handedly in a strange country. She found ways to be creative even before she became a well known artist – she made quilts and threw herself into ikebana, and then she made the art pieces that now hang in national galleries. I think about how time is quite elastic.
In truth, I have been busier and more creative in the three years since Amelia was born then ever before – it always seems that the spare moments are so precious that the work just gets done, and you start to find what it is you really want to spend those precious moments doing. I appreciate the clarity this has brought.
And in the end of it all, you have a most wonderful little person in your midst and the wonders increase every day. I feel completely ready to love a new one. I realise we are lucky, and I am very grateful.